Anna Updates

Noah and I were talking on Sunday.  We were talking about how life is mysterious.   We didn’t really ask to be on earth.  I don’t mean that to sound rebellious.  I am grateful that God has given me not only physical life, but spiritual life as well.  But sometimes I am overwhelmed by the call of G.  Sometimes nothing makes sense, and my nature and the serpent’s cunning is so good at deceiving that I begin to doubt, and I begin to grow dissatisfied and discontent and not wholehearted in my devotion to C.  I just finished reading through the gospels and am gripped and wrestling with J. words.  “Leave all and follow me”  “If you want to find your life, then you must lose it”  “this is how all men will know you are my disciples if you love one anther”  I find the truth of J. scary at times.  I have often looked to other C. for the answers and have often been disappointed.  Life is so hard and it gets old being the different one and I think people are tired.  My most lonely times have often been in the company of C. circles.  I think so often we want to fit J. into our lives and try to fit his truth into comfortable lives pursuing our dreams and desires.  I know that is kind of how I used to think about J.  Of course if I do things G.’s way He will bless me with what I want right? But then my life got turned upside down and I realized that I was believing a lie, a cunning and beautiful lie that it is somehow about me.. and you know the funny thing is, I was never very satisfied believing that…only for a time, and it backfired.  I only feel like I know one thing now and that is this….God loves me and life is totally about Him and it is so fun not being in control or feeling like I have to have it together!  I love His gifts! I am learning to love His ways, and I want to lose my life so I can find it. And that is pretty much all I know!! Life, what a beautiful mystery!