Anna Updates

  “Why do you think J. chose to come this way…?” I was sitting in a discussion group at ch. yesterday thinking of a response to the above question on the sheet…when a new believer at my table said… “I think He chose to come the way He did, because he sees all people the same, rich or poor.”  I think sometimes the Christmas story can lose it’s wonder for me, but yesterday as I was listening to this new believer it really made me think…For J. came in the most strange and wonderful way.  He came through the womb of a common virgin jewish girl 14 or 15 year’s old. He came asking the same questions He always asks… “Do you believe me? and what will you do with my son?”  For in that time, when everyone was looking for the Messiah, the Messiah came as a baby born in the lowest of circumstances.  Mary believed the angel when he told her.  She did not respond in false humility or pride, she responded in belief… “I am the servant of the Lrd; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38) But few people could or would believe this…I find it interesting the lowest of the lowly, shepherds, believed right away and ran to worship the Messiah.  Not to much has changed really.  It seems J.’s message is far more easily believed by the neediest of the needy, or the outcasts of society.  They seem to believe so easily, because it is to good to be true that a king would love enough to save such as them and that He would love enough to come in such a common but wonderful way.  How broken I feel for my skeptical questions I sometimes ask of God’s ways and call it faith…and while I’m asking all my questions and sometimes patting myself on the back, there are the neediest of the needy all around me. How broken I feel… For when I have truly seen the love of God filling common flesh the way He did with Mary, it is in the way others love the lowest of the lowly with a love that could only be empowered by the Holy Sp.This Christmas season, I pr. that God will fill my heart with a greater belief in His ways and with a greater desire to value what He values…and  with a belief to respond to Him with… “I am the servant of Lrd; let it be to me according to your word.”  Rich or poor the Messiah came for you!! Believe! 

  I read the most convicting story in Luke 17:7-10.  In this story J tells the disciples a story about a servant who was working all day in a field.  He basically tells the disciples how ridiculous it would be if the master of the servant invited the servant to eat first after his day of work, and goes on to say would the master not ask the servant to prepare dinner for him first? And would he thank the servant for doing his duty? Then J. says….”So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say…We are unworthy servants, we have only done what was our duty.”  That story has so convicted me in so many of my responses to situations lately and leaves me longing to desire more of heart to “do things and pr. things in secret”  To truly know and understand all that J. commands. I think so much of the time I am looking, and so many are looking for “God’s call” on our lives, that it is so easy to miss the daily “duties” that are commanded by God. I think something in our hearts and I know in mine doesn’t really like the words “command,” “boss,” and “duty.” I much prefer the words “freedom,” “Independence,” and “choice.” But the Lrd knows that left to our freedoms and independence we become proud and begin to love ourselves… And are mostly left feeling unfulfilled!  When we see the things that J. did and commanded as our duty as followers, and ourselves as unworthy, our resolve deepens and initiative takes place, instigating change!  For what would happen to the world if we saw the poor,  widows, and orphans as our duty? What would happen if we saw forgiveness, love, and servant-hood as our duty?… It is almost to overwhelming to imagine:>)

“ …I Give you Control…To Love you from the Inside out!” -Hillsong United

“A bruised reed He will not break and a faintly burning wick He will not quench…”  Those are amazing words! Yesterday at ch. I heard a sermon on “J. does not break bruised reeds” Sometimes I look around me at the world or at different situations and circumstances that I’ve personally experienced or seen others experience and I think to myself, “but He did, he did bruise…the hopelessness in an orphans eyes, the starvation around the world, women stuck in prostitution, devastating world events.”  Yes, He did/does bruise.  Is our God not over all things? But He does not break ….He will bring forth justice through His faithfulness, through His hands and feet… US…the Ch!  Every time an orphan is adopted or loved, JUSTICE!  Every time a women gets out of the prostitution trap, JUSTICE! Every time a starving child/person is fed, JUSTICE! Every time you give your pain to God and lift your face with resolve that He deeply loves you, JUSTICE! And while we attack corners of the world with the justice of God…the Ancient of Days sits on His throne with not one act of injustice escaping His knowledge and He is coming to bring His Justice on this earth… “He will not grow faint or be discouraged till He has established justice….Even so Come LORD J.”

  Sarah read Numbers 23:19 to me this morning. It so touched my heart as I thought about the faithfulness of G.  He is not man that He should change His mind…  and how often I try to make Him just that.  He never fails, never lies, fulfills all that He says He will do!  This year I am experiencing something I have never really experienced in my relationship with G, and that is the rest of what it means to really be free in Christ.  To be free from fear I can do something to “mess it up” something to change G.’s opinion of me.  Nothing can! Forever I belong to C.  Forever the God that does all that He says He will do has covered my sins once and for all (1 Peter 3:18)!!! I am free to love, free to act when I feel the spirit move in my heart to sometimes say and do things that might seem a little bit  “out there.”  Oh God, do all that you say you will do! Change and increase our faith to believe we are who you say we are! It is Time to Believe you in a radical way! “It’s Time for the dead and gone, time for the broken one to live again.  It’s time…Over the mountains and over the valley’s I hear the call and it’s Time! It’s time for the numb to feel, time for the wounds to heal with the sounds of freedom! Time for our hearts to burn with the desperation, It’s Time! Over the mountains and over the valley’s I hear the call and it’s Time!” -unkown

  I think every year God becomes more and more God alone to me. I know that my perception of God does not change who He is.  He always has been and always will be God Alone; but He has so changed my perception of who He is… and opened my eyes so that the small gods I’m constantly battling in my life seem so worthless and small compared to the invitation to know God Alone!  The small gods of comfort, being admired, having a lot of cash in the bank so I can feel secure, being smart so I can always have something intelligent to say and feel important, being considered spiritual, etc. are rubbish unless God has raised me to a position of authority or influence so that I can experience the powerful evidence of His unfailing love, that He is and always will be God Alone! “If you know you are loved by the King, sing, sing, sing.  If you know your loved by the King, then LIVE FOR HIM! LIVE FOR HIM!” -Matt Redman  

  I was sitting in a coffee shop this week talking to a friend.  As I began to explain to her why J. is life by sharing with her how J. didn’t rescue me from struggles but he strengthened my heart through them and gave me hope as I trusted in him; my heart was so overcome by how much G. loves me and how his hands have reached down and directed every step of my life. How G. has carried me through  painful shattering things to take me to a deeper level with Him.  How G. has rescued me from deep depression and hatred for the way He made me and instead turned that around for His glory.  How He meets me in my sometimes overwhelming loneliness. How He is constantly speaking into my life through His word and the encouragement of others.  How He brought me Here to this country so I could believe and know him. “I will serve thee, because I love thee, YOU HAVE GIVEN LIFE TO ME! I was nothing before you found me ,YOU HAVE GIVEN LIFE TO ME!”

   “It is so foggy,” I said under my breath as I got into the taxi early this morning and we started driving towards Beijing. It was so foggy that I couldn’t see anything in front of the car or behind it (this is a common fall occurrence in China and everyone still drives on the back roads, because the major free way is closed.  The fog here would cause major shutdowns and school delays in the states, but not here:>) My translator had her window down in the front of the car and the cold morning wind was hitting my face.  “I should have worn my coat” I thought to myself.  I pulled my sweater tighter around me and looked out the window at the fog surrounding the car.  As far as I could see it was white.  “Oh God, please don’t forget me,” I pr. before I even knew what was coming out of my mouth.  It must have been what was going on inside my heart, because I wasn’t planning on pr. those words, but as soon as they came out of my mouth I knew it was exactly what was on my mind.  You see life has felt so foggy lately.  My relationship with God has felt rocky, and all my fears and weaknesses seem to be taking over.  Sometimes when I go back to the states it happens, because I start to feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.  And of course I know that God never forgets me with my head, but this morning telling God my feelings freed me to worship him in my heart.  It freed me because I realized how much I long to share all of my feelings with God, how much I long to be satisfied with Him only, and how much I long to Love him with all that I am! And how hard it is when I’m struggling and he feels far away.  Almost as soon as I pr. those words a bright light broke through the fog and within five minutes I could see everything around me.  The fog began to lift and the sun began to rise in the sky until it was shinning so bright that I could even see blue skies (a rare thing in Beijing because of all the pollution) My pleas turned into praises. God had just shown me a literal demonstration of what he is doing in my life.  The fog is going to lift and I am going to see clearly the hand of God working “all things for good” (Romans 8:28) Right now life feels foggy, but only for a time, only for a time!  Wow, is God personal or what? It was like God was saying to me “I could never forget you, I will never forget you!” Thank you J.  That you never, never, change like shifting shadows that you always give us what we need to keep trusting you”  The night before I left to come back to China my younger sister requested of me probably the best thing I’ve ever been asked “Anna, will you pr. for me to keep the faith?”  I was so humbled by her request. And I would ask it of you too.  Please pr. for me to keep the faith during this “foggy” time and as this “foggy” time lifts.“We don’t yet see things clearly, we’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist.  But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation; Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.” -1 Corinthians 13:12-13 (the Message)  

I was standing in front of the most beautiful lake this week. It completely took my breath away! I’ve always loved water and this lake was in the most perfect spot, because right behind the lake was an apartment building overlooking the lake! My sister turned to me and said “Anna, you should move back to the states, and we can get an apartment together overlooking this lake”! I won’t lie, for a minute that seemed like the best idea in the world. … “oh, that would be wonderful..” I started saying, and then the strangest thing happened. I looked around at all the people pushing their beautiful perfectly dressed babies around the lake and couples holding hands walking their dogs, and I felt this lump in my throat that at first felt like a small dryness and within a few minutes turned into a huge choking lump. All I could see were the kids at camp reaching out for their buddies as they said goodbye. .. Some of them sobbing just wanting to hang onto love and the value they felt for a few more minutes….the lump in my throat turned into tears and a constant ace that never seems to leave me. Because the truth is…why we run around our beautiful lakes and plan our lives as comfortably suited as possible, there are millions of oppressed people longing for one good meal, one breath of fresh air, one hug or touch from another loving human being. There are millions of babies laying in orphanages un held, and dressed in basically nothing.. Under nourished and starving to death. And … we can do something about it. I used to tell God and still do some what reluctantly at times, that I will be willing to help “if” God calls. But, I’ve come to believe God is always calling. It’s just do we hear Him? Or are we to comfortable? I think He is asking us in so many ways , and I really feel he is asking me right now “Whom will I send and who will go for us?” (Isaiah 6:8). I think I should clarify that I don’t think God is calling everyone to leave America, or even that He is calling me to live overseas forever. But I do believe deeply that He is calling ch.ri.st.ians to get involved with oppression in some way… and to live radically selfless lives no matter where we live. My dream of what my mind tells me is a successful life of someday pushing my perfectly dressed baby around the lake while holding hands with my husband and walking my dog, and on top of that, of course being thin and in great shape seemed significantly small on Saturday (although all those things would be wonderful!) in comparison to the great suffering that I now know exists…and God’s opinion about it. I found a desire in my spirit that can only be God tearing down my pride saying on Saturday.. “here am I, send me!” (Isaiah 6) Use me, all of me even the things I cannot stand about myself to change the world for JC! “Come you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world!”